"O.K. Mr. President. We are ready to start taping."Comment Posted By Mad Plato On 22.01.2006 @ 20:07
"Is this guy who's going to do Osama's voice the best we could find?"
"Yes, Mr. President. We have thoroughly mapped his DNA and brain physiology, and we've done a computer analysis of voice characteristics. We feel that we have a surrogate who is a near identical match."
"Good. Let's get started.
"The script calls for Osama to talk about attacking Americans in their backyards.
Limiting threats to the main arteries of cities, or the cities themselves, does not produce the same fear as telling citizens that they are not safe in their own homes and backyards."
"We also want Osama to say that Americans want their President to pull troops out of Iraq.
This will pull anti-war factions to my side after the recent killing of innocent women and children in Pakistan. Plus, this new tape should get American citizens on my side to continue spying on all of them."
"Osama then becomes the hated and evil one, and my authority rises to higher expectations. My poll numbers should also go up. Remember how my approval ratings got a lift (just before the last election?) when we brought Osama out of his cave?
"Yes sir, Osama is our boy...Osama is our toy."
"We don't want the peaceniks and opposition to have any opportunity to discover or uncover our operation, and so no video of Osama's...I mean the surrogate's face will be shown."
"O.K. Gentleman. I have to get back to my surveillance work. You wouldn't believe what Americans talk about!"
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