Right Wing Nut House

It’s the mismatch of the century!

In the Red Corner, Judge Samuel Alito; scary smart, learned judge, judicially tempered, unflappable, and given the highest rating by the American Bar Association for competence.

In the Blue Corner, the Democrats; piddle brained, highly emotional, tending toward hysterics, and character assassins extraordinaire.

A full house is expected in the arena as this heavyweight match - and in the case of Ted Kennedy, Super-heavyweight - unfolds before a nation that, at the moment, is trying to come to terms with profound constitutional issues involving privacy and civil liberties in wartime.

In the Blue Corner, the seconds for the Democrats - Moveon.Org, feminists, racialists, environmentalists, and various sundry loons, goons, poltroons, and dirty necked galoots - are pushing their combatants to attack the Judge personally. Failing to find any instances of the Honorable Mr. Alito wearing women’s clothes in public (although come to think of it, they would probably mark that in the Judge’s favor) or pictures of the Judge kicking his dog, they have settled instead on the long standing liberal tradition of attacking a nominee because he is white, male, and conservative.

Of course, they don’t come right out and say that this is the problem with the nominee. So instead, they try and dig up “dirt” showing that he’s a racist because his hometown is mostly white or that he’s anti-female because he’s only had one wife, or that he’s anti-abortion because…well, just because. The circumstances don’t matter. In this kind of match where headlines are generated hourly, the important thing is to throw as many baseless, inaccurate, and exaggerated charges on the floor to see if any of them stick to the bottom of a shoe.

There’s not really much the champ can do except parry the blows to the best of his ability and grin back when Smilin’ Joe Biden accuses him of being a Nazi in disguise. And when that Fightin’ Irishman Pat Leahy wonders aloud whether Mr. Alito is “out of the mainstream” it would be best if the champ merely nodded his head and looked at the Vacuous Vermonter as if he were a serious lawmaker rather than the empty headed twit he truly is.

The tale of the tape in this match-up gives a huge advantage to the champ. His intellectual reach exceeds any of his opponents. And his obvious heft and gravitas gives him a big edge in the weight category due to the unseriousness of his tormentors. His muscular brain is more supple than that of any of his speechifying questioners. And his heart is twice the size of any of his ruthless and unprincipled counterparts.

In short, the confirmation hearing for Judge Alito will be a one sided affair that will show the glaring incompetence of his opponents as their inability to land any blows will drive them nuts.

And if Ted Kennedy can lay off the sauce until noon, maybe we’ll get some questions about where Alito was during the Goldwater Administration - even though he was only 14 years old.